It took every bit of self control not to rip the sweater off that guy's back.
Harvey
Walnuts - Spent $12 a day on walnuts to feed the Stuyvesant Town
squirrels. "I used to take my ex - wife out to dinner three times a
week," he said, "this is a lot cheaper than that or going on a date."
One-Eyed Rob - Crazy and sad Rob always looked with his one good eye for someone to have a deep conversation about nothing with. Recently purchased a Ginsu knife, but never got to use it since he left it at Walgreens when picking up his estrogen cream.
feLINDA - Linda, a one time rock n' roll groupie, overcame her severe allergies to cats so she could pursue her passion as an at-home feline caretaker. Nothing stopped her, not even the 2003 Blackout.
Wall Street Charlie - Lived in the apartment above Linda and supposedly bangs things on purpose.
The Sometime Hindu - Mohinder sometimes indulged in a juicy hamburger at Dynasty Diner.
Dynasty Restaurant - Customers raved about their decaf coffee, but here's the secret... it's not decaf. Open 24 hours except from Sunday. Everything there is good and cheap.
The Dynasty Duchesses - Every morning was Gay Pride Parade and if you were a good looking man they'd ask for more than your order.
Ma Bell - She drank at the Cove, but died on the corner when she hit her head on the curb. The had a disco themed memorial for her at the bar.
Tiger - The Cat that lived in 6F. He wonder around the neighborhood and then wait around until someone took up in the elevator.
PORN REVIEWERS WANTED (Midtown)
Reply to: job-344882038@craigslist.org
Date: 2007-06-04, 5:55PM EDT
Are you a connoisseur of porn? Do you have definite opinions about the
movies you watch? We literally have hundreds of adult films sitting
around our offices waiting for someone to review them. So, we’re
looking for a dedicated group of competent folks to help us watch and
critique the growing backlog.
What’s the catch? There’s not much in the way of pay – for now. But the DVDs, which retail anywhere from $25 to $50, are yours to keep after you review them. This is a legitimate writing gig that can be added to your freelancer portfolio. And SexHerald, a sex-positive online publication, is a startup operation that is poised for rapid growth.
All reviewers must be 21 or older, live in the New York tri-state area
(CT, NJ, NY) and be deadline-oriented and dependable. Previous writing
experience is a plus: The reviews run 500 words in length, and a
minimum of five (5) films are required to be viewed each month. For a
taste of the types of reviews we are seeking, check out:
http://www.sexherald.com/porn-movies/adult-dvds.
If you’re interested, email us a resume and a sample 500-word review of a recent adult film. Put the resume and writing sample into the email itself. WE DO NOT OPEN ATTACHMENTS.
We want to hear from you…
The Environment
On rainy chilly days like today I might not leave the house or spend five minutes out of this Tempur-Pedic bed, but it's all right because I did the dishes. Washing the grime off the glass ware gave me a feeling of accomplishment. The stacked plates, cups and pans drying on the rack proved that I did at least one thing today and I did it while consciously thinking of the environment. I used to let the hot water run over my hands as I scrubbed each dirty bowl until Amy's mother yelled at me for wasting water. Today I soaped up the dishes with a wet sponge before turning on the faucet for a quick rinse. This method did take some of the fun away, but I figured since I don't drive a Prius I needed to do my part.
Bizzaro World
Yesterday Klare and I went to an apartment in Park Slope to feed a mean cat, whose parents went to Boston for the Yankee / Red Sox Game (whomever thought of wearing the blond masks to taunt A Rod about his liaison with a blond stripper is a genius even if he/she is a Sox fan). The second floor of this brownstone was immaculate. There was no clutter. Books, photos and assorted knickknacks were displayed on the best Pottery Barn, Crate and Barrel and West Elm had to offer. The finance magazines were stacked on the left side of the coffee table for him while Home and Garden were fanned out on the right for her. Even the chocolate cupcake sat perfectly at attention inside a refrigerator that looked as though it had been styled for MTV cribs. As we both marveled at this catalog perfect apartment I wondered where they kept their clothes. There was only one dresser. The hall closet was filled with a wide selection of overcoats for each season, which meant that everything else they wore was in the smaller closet near the door. I opened it expecting some fancy California Closet but instead found the wardrobes of what could only belong to minimalists. See the picture I took with my phone! All of her stuff is on 7 hangars! Amazing. **Klare wouldn't let me look in the medicine cabinet.
After spending a better part of a decade as lead commander, Lil' Ms. Drama was usurped by the Sane Rational Wahine in the clear blue waters off Oahu. What will happen now that life is happening on the chaotic streets of NYC? Will Drama make a comeback? Or is the Wahine here to stay? Read on as the battle for Liz's Lead Inner Voice heats up...
My adrenaline was pumping and I was only on the corner of 6th and
First. I stared up towards Second Avenue and wondered if I was still
crazy enough to do it.
"You know you want to," said Lil' Ms. Drama
"Don't listen!" Screamed Sane Rational Wahine.
"Go! He probably doesn't even live there any more or better yet He's dead," said LMD.
"Guys like Him don't die," SRW said.
"Pussy. It's time to get your heart pumping again with a little excitement. Remember how liberating it was when you ran into him last time," said LMD.
"Yeah and your clothes fell off in 3.2 seconds. You've already lived that fantasy. Do you really need to do it again?" SRW asked.
I had to agree and without another thought I turned towards 5th Street.
Damn a lot happens in this city -
I crossed on over to the other side - aka Brooklyn - and was zigging and zagging on Flatbush Avenue. I came to a light and found myself behind a school bus of children. As usual the kids started waving out the back window and when I waved back the little critter of ten gave me the finger. Of course my instincts were to flip this lil' mofo the bird, but then the ALOHA took hold of me and I found myself flashing him the shaka. Did the Aloha spirit transcend the urban landscape and craziness of downtown Brooklyn? Well kind of - the lil' fucker thought I was flashing him the call me later sign and he found the love all right. Before the light turned green the puny playa pressed a piece of paper with his digits scrawled across against the back window with one hand and held a shaka up to his ear with the other. Got to love the Aloha and the green light.
And then... and then... how can you beat that....well it gets better, it always does.
I went with Veronica to see this band Black Gold. I love their name.
You say Black and swing your hips to the right and then swing them back
to the left when you say Gold. Check them out -
http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=53938677
Anyway besides the great live music with no trace of a ukulele and a
drummer that lived in Hawaii, the lead singer's girlfriend was
something to marvel at. Oh baby this was too good to be true. I
wished I made it up because it didn't seem real, but it was! Tasha, a
nice Jewish girl from Maryland, without a single marking, blemish or
scar made her living as a tattoo artist at at HARD CORE NY. She loved
tattoos but just hadn't found one that she wanted to incorporate into
her everyday. Plus that whole Jewish cemetery thing haunted her. She
tattooed herself with water, so she did have some funky and pretty
scars but the ink was too permanent to commit. She's building up to
the day, but there was no rush, yet it was becoming a business
necessity, after all five years in the business the novelty had worn up
and she needs some street creed.
Forget following this band around for their music, I'm going to check out their shows so I can keep tabs on the long awaited tattoo.
Other stuff happened but I'm drunk.
Stuff I Googled -
voice controlled tv remote - my friend's mom has MS and has trouble working the remote. What's worse that not being able to change the channel? So I figured there is got to be something out there to make this situation better. There is, but now I need to figure out which ones work the best.
A life of leisure is hard. I almost fell over the edge into chaos when the On Demand stopped working and my Weeds marathon was cut short. Can you believe this? A blue error message flashed across the screen telling me to call 1800COMCAST for help. I had no excuse not to call - the phone was already in my hand and the number was right in front of me. It wasn't laziness that kept me from dialing, it was sanity - nobody wants to willingly spend any time on hold with the cable company. And then a miracle happened. No On Demand didn't start to work but almost as good. The phone rang and it was Comcast calling me! They are now coming to replace the box!! I'm really intune with the universe.
My mother just got home.
"Your sister isn't dead," she said flopping onto the couch.
"Did she have fun in the Hamptons? How did it go with that guy she went with?" I asked.
"I wouldn't know. I haven't heard from her since Sunday, but I saw she made a withdrawal from a Citibank branch," she said.
I didn't have to ask to know my mother hacked into my sister's Citibank account.
"How do you know the murderers didn't make it?" I asked.
"Duh! They would have taken everything and gone to the nearest ATM without a second thought about those fucking fees," she said. "Obviously she's just not calling me back."
"Fascinating detective work Mom," I said as I changed my password to my bank accounts.
Kate call her!
THINGS I GOOGLED TODAY
It's been a lite day since I've been messing around with this site.
I Love You Alice B. Toklas ! Peter Sellers movie, see Autobiography under books with lots of comments.
Loehmann's and UAE - apparently a Dubai firm bought Loehmann's for 300 million dollars back in 2006. Looks like Arabs love good bargains too.
NY news is nuts,. Guy with TB drug resistant strain quarantined in UES hospital, hip hookahs, murder, poisonous soil - all reported so fast. It's horrifying, ridiculous and hysterical. The most interesting story - UWS movie theater now offers a device that will alert managers of the disturbances - load mouth fools who talk on their cellphones. However, this power is only for "selected people" - those who pay extra. Luckily I don't have to pay for the machine since I don't have a problem to tell these fools to shut up. I once did this at movies in Hawaii and scared the guy to death. I even did it with Aloha. I just hope that in some crazy twist that I don't wind up being buzzed.
The Next Story was on breaking up over text. and a new book "The Joy of Text," (fuck why didn't I think of that? The Sex and the City post it has evolved). Lydia Bacquerra strongly advises, to BE CLEAR and to proof before you send. Lydia's young and new but god Chuck, Sue, Len have all gotten so old. It's weird to grow up with people reading you the news. My house watched Live at Five on NBC, but I noticed that Missy and Amy watched ABC - what's it like without Bill Beutel? No doubt today my favorite is NY1 with Pat Kiernan in the morning - all NYC all the time and he even gives you a synopsis of the leading stories in the local papers.
I forgot how I used to love the news. International, not so much these days. Too depressing and I feel like they are lying to me. There are too many city stories that are too good to make up. I wished they made shit up for the Hawaiian newscast. I couldn't even watch it. Pancaked pedestrians in the cross walk are very sad but they aren't exciting enough to stop the clicker. It was nice living where fucked up horrible things didn't happened on a daily basis. I got to like only opening the Advertiser because it had two crossword puzzles (it really doesn't get any better than the Monday puzzles, coffee, a lot of time and some beach). Today even with only the Times puzzle and no beach it was pretty damn good cuz I was eating an everything bagel with scallion cream cheese and a slice of tomato. This was after gentle yoga that I took along with the moms. It was weird to be the youngest and the only one not enjoying the wonders of motherhood. This, after spending Memorial Day weekend at Amy's house with the triplets, is one joy I can do without. Holy fuck three three month olds. It twas all baby all the time. The only way to recover from so much trauma was to buy three dresses at Loehmann's. I've been battling my way through the racks of all the discount designer stores like a good Jewish girl and just getting bargains left and right. My mother was kvel'n (beaming with pride). You should see the shoes I got at Century, but they are super high and I punctured a hole in the new special mat in my mom's new home gym while breaking them in. The best part was that I did it while standing in front of both of them so I didn't even have to lie or anything. Obviously I am now only allowed to wear them in carpeted rooms. The wood floors are off limits since the heel might dent them. You know that's what happen to Lynda Levine and she ruined her whole kitchen floor. This s among the many interesting tidbits I've learned in the past week living with my parents. Actually it's not bad living here. Full fridge, laundry, on demand Weeds on showtime and even a home gym. That's right I'm Livin' La Viva Loca. I really felt the heart pumping excitement of my life during the final scenes of Law and Order: SVU. As always it was powerful television, but tonight opened up a whole new story plot between Olivia and Stabler. Anything can happen.
THINGS I GOOGLED TODAY -
http://www.yiddishdictionaryonline.com/
http://www.ny1.com
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/wri/339953230.html (jobs)
http://newyork.craigslist.org/mnh/wri/337374264.html
Jully Kang
Ebay
Loehmann's in New Jersey and directions
BOH
Westfield Yoga
Apple Bluetooth and RAZR v3 (fuckers won't discover each other)
Greenlee All My Children and Sabine (S take me to the Daytime Emmy Awards!)
Injury of Hamstring at Origin (Amy diagnosed it. It seems I've aggravated an old stripper injury in yoga the other day. Is it very zen if I ignore the pain by popping a vicodin before my yoga practice? Maybe I should Google it?)
